I've suffered enough . . .

Now do they need to?

Recently, I have suffered for choices I made years ago. I choose, not really by my own doing, to return to work about 10 years ago. Geoff had lost his 2nd job in 2 years and we were stressing financially. He decided to return to school but I knew that I would need to work to make it through . . . especially with 4 kids!

We were blessed by the way work came our way. I found a job teaching at a local performing arts studio almost instantaneously, which in turn helped me to return to teaching full-time very quickly. I had a full studio in no time and started filling my time with lots of students and in turn . . . more money!

One evening I went to see a student in a show. Afterwards I was visiting with new friends and was offered an opportunity to music direct a show. I obliged and that was the start of a fruitful, yet LONG 5 years of shows and students that filled my time, day and night.

I was able to pay bills but eventually I wore down. I had lost so much time and memories with my kids . . . for what? I know, I paid my bills and we survived. But I wonder . . . was it really worth it all??

I gave up so much that I will NEVER get back. And I'm suffering for it . . . or at least I think I am. I am trying to rebuild my relationship with each kid. They are "relearning" what I expect of them, they are adjusting to the fact that I am home, I'm adjusting to the fact that I am home. We have had to adjust all over!

"Do I miss it?" I get asked this a lot. "You are too talented to stay away." Thanks but no thanks. I have suffered by way of emotion and loss of what I cannot get back, that I have to stop and think . . . I've suffered, do they need to as well?

I think the answer is a simple . . . no.

UH OH . . . .UPDATE!

I'm sorry for not blogging lately - especially after I just got back into the groove. But here's the update why - - -

1. I was working at Phx Theatre for a week in a music theatre summer camp featuring Beatles music. This was my first time working for them and I really enjoyed it! The kids in my group were ages 7-12 and they were AWESOME! Our teaching artist, Karen, was a little hard to get to know but we ended up working VERY well together and I LOVED our choreographer, Andrea! The three of us ran a group of about 24 kids and they learned theatre games, basics of theatre and 4 songs with choreography. The Beatle songs our group chose were: Ain't She Sweet, Octopus Garden, She Loves You and then all the Beatles kids (another class combined with us) sang Yellow Submarine. I really enjoyed it but I'm glad I don't have to make that daily commute for a while.

2. Dakota was invited to be on the 10 yr old All-Star Baseball team again! He was excited and really wanted to win. Without going into great detail - Dakota is an INCREDIBLE player! He played 2nd base and pitched as well. He's very quick on his feet and a coach favorite. He got the flu one night and although he dressed out and went to the game, he just didn't have the energy to play. He was so upset and wouldn't leave his teammates but instead sat in the dugout sick as a dog hollering for the team to do their best. He is a vital part of his teams and the kids really missed him out on the field! They didn't win but got all the way to the end of the tournament and the kids played GREAT! It was a bad call by the coach and he admitted it as well. They should've won. But secretly, I'm happy I don't have to drive to Douglas, AZ (a HOLE IN THE WALL city south of us) for the next games! Shhh! Don't tell him though.

3. For another 2 weeks, I worked at yet another music theatre summer camp. But this time, in my neck of the woods. EVCT is a GREAT theatre and I've been honored to have worked their summer/spring break camps for couple years now. I love the kids, I love the staff and I love how close to home it is. With this workshop, I got to pick the songs for the morning classes. In the afternoon, they put on a show that was written for them. I won't bore you with the songs (three classes of 18-20 kids learned 3 songs each) but they all worked very hard and we had a lot of laughs! The performance and last day is tomorrow (well, today now) and I'm looking forward to it. The kids love performing, the parents love seeing them and I LOVE seeing the hard work come together! And p.s. - it's PAYDAY!

Well, only 3 things but they took up most of my days. Some days started at 6:30am when the alarm went off and ended around midnight after kids finally got to bed! I'm looking forward to the sleeping in, chores getting caught up and working on my workout and tan - - all starting next week!

How are you enjoying your summer??

Stay TOONed - details on Colorado coming up!