GOING PRIVATE!

I have had a few "issues" and have decided to go private as of

Monday, Nov. 8th

I have this blog to express MY opinions, MY thoughts and MY ideas.

I don't intend for anyone to be offended or hurt. But I don't intend for me to have to hold my tongue about my religion, my family or my wants/needs/desires. So in order to not hurt anyone in my process . . .

It's time to go private!

I know there are some of you who read

and I LOVE all your comments and thoughts.

PLEASE ask for an invite!!

I love reading about all of you too!

. . . .whirlwind . . . WARNING! Loooong post!

The past few months have been cRaZY!!

My emotions have been up and down.

My soul tormented with questions..

My heart broken and repaired numerous times.

My mind wild with questions and answers.

Where to start? First, Geoff didn't get the job in Colorado. Is it a lost hope? No. They could hire him . . . sometime. But for now it's not happening. They hired a part-time, 'fresh out of college' kid for less money. We understand, in this economy, but we were very heart broken! Our faith was shaken a bit but we know the Lord must have something else in store for us. On the other hand, Geoff is back at the plant (only a 3 mile commute to work) again, which in turn saves us gas. And within the first 2 weeks back, he's clocked over 60 hours overtime. With a company that has told employees for the past year "NO OVERTIME!" numerous times - we are very grateful and feel very blessed. Poor guy has been on 12 hour shifts for the past month and extremely tired but he is a hard-working, amazing man who loves his family enough to sacrifice in order to provide for his family. We are hoping with this overtime, that the bills and Christmas will be an easier load this year. He's anxious to have Thanksgiving off and be back on normal hours.

BUT . . . guess what? We're moving! We were in hopes it would be to Colorado but instead it will be just a couple of miles north. We have been renting the home we're in for 4 years. We love the ward, the neighborhood and the people that surround us (well, most of them) and it's been a difficult decision but there are so many things that we must consider. First is our income vs debt in this home! It's ridiculous what they are charging for this "area". We knew it going into it, but we were desperate to get out of the situation we were in (that's a whole other story) and we needed to move our family to place where we'd feel safe and secure. This opportunity opened and we are grateful for the time we have been here. We've prayed and fasted and prayed and fasted some more about this and we know it's right for our family at this time but can I tell you how hard it is? I'm so sad to 'pull' my kids from the friends they thought they'd have forever. We had planned to rent for 2 years and then buy the house. But the economy hit and the owners aren't in a position to sell and we are 'stuck' renting a house that has repairs I'm not wiling to pay for and they can't or won't do for us. So, it's time to bail out and find a new home. Everything seemed to fall into place with our new home. A childhood friend found me on FB and we had lunch a few times in the spring and kept up with each other through emails, posts, etc. One morning I saw on her FB status that her husband got a job in Oregon and they were moving. She also mentioned that she was needing to rent her home. I emailed her about the exciting but sad news that he got a job (that's always great) but that she was leaving after we just reconnected again. We planned to meet and catch up. I asked her about her house and she gave me a few details and invited me over to look. A few days later I went over to visit and see the house. I loved it but there were some concerns. Nothing big but my girls have had separate rooms for 5 years and she only had 3 bedrooms. I looked at the rest and the floorplan was great for my teaching, it has a basement which will be nice for the hot summers, and I loved how open the floorplan was. I let her show me around and then I waited. She told me what they were thinking for rent and I about committed to it then without asking Geoff! It was just what our budget needed and I was ready to do anything to get into it! I wanted so badly to leave right then and call Geoff and tell him all about it but I needed to stay and visit. :) Don't you hate when your excitement outweighs your plans for the day?? LOL

Needless to say, Geoff was much more level headed and the first thing he asked before I could even tell him about the house, was how many bedrooms. Grrr! Why does he always ruin it for me? I avoided and avoided it until he finally stopped me and asked me again. I told him and he immediately answered no. I pleaded with him to just take some time and think about it. We really needed to get out from under the debt this home we're in and this might be the answer. He shook his head but agreed. I used every waking moment over the next few days to figure out 'my side of the case'. I measured rooms, I measured beds, I wrote out our income/debt, I wrote pros/cons. You name it! I just knew the Lord didn't us to buy a home in Arizona right now, and He didn't want us in Colorado just yet but He needed us in this home and He put it in our path at just the right time! Geoff finally agreed to go see the house and he liked it . . . a lot! He agreed, if we could get our girls to share - it would be perfect. We presented the idea to the kids. We always include them in decisions and this one was no different. It's always with the understanding that Mom/Dad have the final say but we want their input. We hope it's helping them to learn how to make decisions and weigh the options. There were tears, there were upset girls but they agreed to pray about it and join the family fast about it. We were to go see it that Sunday evening. To make this long story just a tad shorter - we are going to move there! The girls are ok to share and actually excited to have a new room to design. They kids love the basement and the big backyard that has NO pool. Whodathunk!? They don't like having a pool. They want a big grassy backyard with a trampoline. LOVE IT! That I can give them! We will move the week between Christmas and New Years and I'm anxious to start new and fresh! It's only 2.3 miles door to door and yet it's a new ward and stake.

Here's to new beginnings!!

Blog Stalking!!

Ok - with life feeling a little 'blue' and in honor of the cooler weather, I've been looking at crafting/home decor blogs. It takes over my free time. I surf and surf and surf . . .

Be careful . . . it's addicting!! But check out some of the links on the side! Amazing and FUN stuff!!

Dear Santa - -

The past few weeks I've been completely and utterly humbled! I've learned humility, patience, and many other valuable life lessons. Some days have been emotional, others frustrating, others joyful and others stressful. But all in all, I'm learning and growing and completely satisfied.

Today was a great day - even with my migraine. I cancelled lessons because I feared the piano and singing just would aggravate it. I rarely ever cancel my lessons, simply because it means I have to make the lessons up at some point - so what's the point? But today I needed it. I napped, ignored my chores, went to lunch with friends and napped again. After dinner was over, my sweet Jon-boy did the dishes, Kylee-doll helped finish up the table decor for YW's on Wednesday, Maddi-boo helped pick up the front room and Dakota-stud picked up the laundry room and swept the kitchen. Even though I really didn't do much, a lot still got done and I appreciate the help from my family! Even my sweetie, Geoff, brought me a drink. It's now 10:30pm and the kids are in bed, the dishwasher is running, the floors are swept and mopped and the washer has a load going. Geoff is gone to work til morning, so I will work on the computer (or play) til I'm tired and the laundry is ready for the dryer.

While I wait I thought I might write my letter to Santa tonight.

My sweet little Maddisen (9 years old) handed me an envelope today. It was addressed to Santa and she asked me to drop it in the mail tomorrow when I was out running my errands. I told her I'd be happy to but she was early this year, to which she replied, "Well, it's gives him time to save some money since everyone has money problems right now."

My sweet, sweet Maddi - if only you knew!

With all the troubles in the world these days, I thought my letter this year would be less selfish and so here's what I wish for, in simple words, without getting too deep . . .

1 - The standard wish for most - Peace on Earth.

Will we ever fulfill the prophecy in the bible of the lion to lie with the lamb? Sometimes I wonder why we all just can't get along. I appreciate the differences with people and think that's what makes our friendship/relationship so intriguing, but there is no need to pull a gun on each other.

2 - A happy family

I want nothing more than the have my family all get along for one FULL day. Some days it seems almost possible and then the dream is killed by bedtime. Some mornings we don't even make it the first hour without someone complaining about something.

3 - A clean house

Now don't get me wrong - I've been much better about keeping up on this since my stint from theatre but even with all the work I do, it never fails that I have more to do before they go to bed. I know one day it will go away with the kids and I'll miss it but doing dishes and laundry seem like deja vu every day!

4 - To have no enemy

Why can't we all get along? Just like #1 and I will work to do my part. No gossiping, no judging, no assuming. I will do my part - do you think Santa could help those who oppose me?

5 - Happiness!!

I'd love to keep a smile as often as possible. Wives tale says that it takes less muscles in the face to smile. If this is true, I must remember this if I don't want to look too old too fast. I want to be able to find the good or positive in even my trials and troubles.

These are my top 5

- - -

What are you going to ask Santa for???

**YAWN**

I've never claimed to be an early to bed/early to rise kind of person. But I had set some goals and one of them was to be up every morning making a hot breakfast for my kids. Well, Geoff works nights once a month for 7 days straight. I don't sleep well when he's gone - I hear every sound, I worry about the kids and I just find it's easier to do things when he's gone. So, it is a productive time of the month - I work on the computer for my calling, I sweep and mop my kitchen (which I hate to do during the day because I use a steam mop and it makes it warm in the room), I organize cupboards, I dust (who does that?), etc etc etc. I will admit that most of the time I do spend most of the time on the computer. I surf for recipes, make documents for my calling or studio, games (I love word games) or chat with friends (if they are awake like me). And sometimes I call Geoff at work and we talk (thank goodness for unlimited night time minutes), if he's not too busy.

I tell you this because he's been on his nightshift for 2 nights and I'm already dragging during the day! It's starting to wear on me and I haven't been very productive during the day. And this heat isn't helping!! I am worn out before I even get the kids out the door to school. I haven't given up my goal of making sure they have a hot breakfast on school days but I can't guarantee I don't grab a cat nap after they leave.

Here's hoping for me to either get to bed earlier

OR

for this night shift to end soon so I can sleep!

Planting seeds in my garden . . .

I've been busy getting things ready for a young women's special meeting called Evening in Excellence. I am the Personal Progress leader in my ward and this is an evening to spotlight the girls work. I have been asked to put together a program and the theme is FOREVER BLOOMING: My Garden of Values.

As I started trying to decide where to go with this, I came across an amazing outline online about taking each value and representing it with a flower and comparing them. I loved it! But now the hard part comes - I have to come up with the flowers and how they compare and write it out. They only gave one idea and I didn't like the flower they chose, so I now have to come up with all 8 values, 8 flowers and 8 comparisons. Some might find this overwhelming but I LOVE LOVE LOVE to do this kind of stuff!

It started the weekend my kids were out of town with my parents and I started researching. Geoff and I were home alone. No interruptions. Nothing to do but enjoy the quiet and each other. I'll keep this rated G and just say we had fun but we still had lots of down time. So, I used my time to work on the computer, while Geoff played his computer game. :) Yes, we're geeks!

I'm done now and the presentation is amazing, if I do say so myself. Although, I don't consider it to be only my work - I had lots of inspiration! I wish I could share with you all of the values and flowers but that would take too long. But I have to share something, so here is a taste with one of my favorites -

CHOICE AND ACCOUNTABILITY --- Zinnia

Zinnias are among the most popular of garden flowers. Butterflies are particularly attracted to them. They are also called “youth-and-old-age”.

My life is like garden. Every choice I make is like a seed. I decide what I want grow in my garden. If I plant good choices, I’ll enjoy love, peace, joy and closeness with the Spirit. If I plant bad seeds, I’ll grow unhappiness. Luckily, if I don’t like the plants I’m growing, I can choose to weed by repenting. Seeds and choices are very similar. We choose what to plant, but we can’t decide what will come up --- that was already decided by what we plant. We can choose our actions, be we can’t decide the consequences for those actions. Just like seeds grow up into plants that make even more seeds, my choices have long reaching consequences -- sometimes expanding, other times limiting my future choices. If I learn to make righteous choices, I’ll have great blessings and the opportunity for many other good choices in the future.

Man! That was a hard decision - they are all soooo good! I'm so pleased with how it's all coming together. But I share this for one reason - I feel like this has been written for me! Thus the reason I don't feel like I wrote this alone.

I love the quote we are putting on the handout - - -

All the flowers of all the tomorrows are

in the seeds of today. - Indian Proverb

For some reason this speaks to me. With all the changes I've been making in my life, this just confirms to me that what I'm doing today will "blossom" tomorrow. Kylee had an opportunity to go to a young women's conference this summer and it was entitled "Time to Blossom". The conference was to help each young woman to understand her self-worth, to know that she is a beautiful daughter of God, and to discover her potential to make a difference in the world. Isn't that what we all want? To know that what I'm doing today will make a difference tomorrow? If we plant the seeds today - the flowers will bloom tomorrow!!

Have a great day and plant some seeds!!

Apples or Onions??

LOOK CLOSELY . . .

CAN YOU TELL WHAT'S REALLY UNDER THE CARMEL?

I'm sure most of you have heard the analogy of carmel treats - one being an onion and one being an apple. You have no idea what's inside until you take a bite. They both look good, they both look tasty. Then you take a bite and WHAM! It's either really good or really bad!

I know it's supposed to be about morality and how it looks ok on the outside, blah, blah, blah . . . . but . . . here's my analogy:

I've had some pretty good apples in life.

But I've also had some pretty strong onions.

But lately, I think I'm getting a carmel apple and after I bite into it - - -

I find a really strong onion!

---------------------------------------------------------------

My recent LIFE ONIONS:

1 - Having a really good day, and then I go check the mail and find yet another bill that's delinquent.

2 - We pray and/or fast about work and feel really confident things are going to be ok and then Geoff gets called to a mandatory meeting where he's told health benefit rates are being raised again (twice in about a year) and that his 401K may be going away and they are looking at 2 week fur-lows! WHAT??

3 - We go yet another day without any word on the job we really need/want in Colorado.

4 - I lose yet another student to scheduling conflicts. Although I should be thrilled they are getting leads in shows and it's rehearsals that are conflicting, the money is nicer.

5 - Yet another kid who's upset they didn't get a birthday party or birthday present or can't take an extracurricular activity because of money or because I have to teach and there is no way to get them to and from.

BUT on the other hand . . .

My apples have been some of the JUICIEST I've had in a looooong time!! I've been enjoying the fun of having more time to myself and family. Here's a list of the fun (yes, I think they are) things I've been working on - -

1 - Making contact with old friends.

This includes drink runs, lunches, FB chats, emails and good ol' phone calls.

2 - Learning to coupon.

I've always been fascinated by saving money and getting lots for a little. So, after connecting with an old friend, I found out she is a master coupon-er. I've been 'trading' Sonic drinks (happy hour, of course) for coupon lessons. I've just been collecting them and learning the trade so far. No savings yet, but I will keep you posted. I'm determined on this one!!

3 - Going to food storage classes and learning to cook healthy, edible stuff with it!

Ok, so I've only gone to one class so far (today) but it was AWESOME! The classes are free and I'm learning what to do with all this wheat, rice and beans I have in my storage and now I can use it and rotate it. Check out her website - FoodWise.com. This woman is a god-send and I'm thankful to have found her. I hope I use what I've learned and become more diverse.

4 - I take time to play the piano . . . for me!!

I play for lessons. I play for church. I play for . . . blah, blah, blah. I LOVE that but I LOVE to play for ME! I was recently given some AMAZING music (arrangements of primary songs and hymns) by my brother. I take the time to play through at least one a day! Lately, after dinner is over and the kids are working on homework, Geoff is either at work or on the computer (depending on his shift) - I will turn off the tv and go in and play. It's so relaxing and I notice a mood change in my home when I do.

5 - I'm trying to find something new everyday. Whether it be a new word, a new friend, a new product, or a new feeling. I am out to make a change in who I am! I will conquer the fear of all these changes and although I get down, and upset and feel like everything I do is a bite into an onion - I will overcome my fears and learn to take leaps and chances and be happy!!

LIFE IS LIKE AN ONION;

YOU PEEL OFF ONE LAYER AT A TIME AND SOMETIMES YOU WEEP.

And I'll add to that:

But sometimes you find an apple and you weep HAPPY tears!!

What are you going to find today - an apple or an onion?

But more importantly - - -

what are you going to do with it and how are you going to handle it?

**UPDATE!**

Had an awesome APPLE day today! Trying really hard to find the sweet apples everyday, because that's really what it's all about!